Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
