okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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