Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
