Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize