I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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