Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
