I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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