Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
