You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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