i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
