She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
