Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
