I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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