I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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