he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
