He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was not drunk enough for that final.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
