How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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