so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
