i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize