So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
