well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize