She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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