Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
