so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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