I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
