I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
