remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
