i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
