i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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