I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
