They should really pass out barf bags in church
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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