and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
