One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
