Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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