Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
