And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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