Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
