What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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