I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sarcasm needs its own font
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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