I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
