tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
