i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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