There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize