Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
