Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize