Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
