Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
