Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
