I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
