i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
