Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
