It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize