I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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