Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
