i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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