Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
