I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
