Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
