So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
