It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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