I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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