Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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