3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
