operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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