He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize