At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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