Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
