Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
