so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Couch. On fire.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
