she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
