wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
