He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My balls are so social today.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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