glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
