I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
