I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
