When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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