My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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