Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
