When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I deserve this hangover.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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