apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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