Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
