I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
