Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
