we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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