He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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