His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I cut my penus on the lid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
