Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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