it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
