if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
