I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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