i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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