you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize