i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
